When Jacob and I first started this crazy journey of infertility I was so lost. You ‘google’ infertility and you get 4.8 million different sites from crazy opinions to medical research trials. You trust that your doctor knows everything and will recommend the best option only to learn treatment for infertility is really an ‘art-form’ and some doctors never graduated beyond stick-figure drawings (hello five unnecessary rounds of clomid!)

And then, by pure chance, if you are lucky, which I was, you stumble upon someone going through it too, someone who has already sorted through the 4.8 million websites of crap and while they don’t know it all, they help you get your bearings and offer up some resources.

That is what happened when I ‘met’ Nisha. Nisha is a fellow blogger, you can find her over at her new blog the Prairie Plate. I stumbled across her blog and was immediately drawn in by her wit and sarcasm, her ability to ‘tell it like it is’ and her knowledge of the subject. Nisha probably has no idea but finding her blog was the starting point of me taking an active role in solving our fertility issues. And she did this by doing one simple thing, she responded to a desperate email I sent asking for help finding resources. Nisha lives in Canada, had a full-time job before become a full-time mommy (an equally full-time job), and ran a much bigger blog than mine will probably every be, she is busy. Yet she took the time to answer this random lady from Indiana’s question.

I mention Canada for the pure fact that my knowledge of Canada is very limited other than the fact that I know it is north or me, is huge, and they have moose (mooses, moosii?) of which I am insanely jealous. We have moose in the U.S. but very few and I have wanted to see one in nature and never have.

All of this to tell you that resources, connecting with people who have been there and who are still going through it, was the single most important thing that helped us get pregnant and maintain some semblance of sanity.
And after the birth of her baby Nisha started up this new resource for people who have gone through infertility, and/or loss of a pregnancy, and have gone on to become parents through birth or adoption. This new resource was a space to talk about parenting issues through the lens of those who struggled to get there. Yes, some parenting issues are universal, but the lens in which you deal with them makes a difference.

For example, it is one thing to deal with Post Partum Depression. It is quite another to deal with it after struggling for say 5 years to get pregnant. Something you wanted so badly, for so long, and then you get whacked with PPD and the guilt you can feel over that.

And thus P.A.I.L. was born. PAIL stands for Parenting/pregnancy through adoption, infertility, and loss. It was hosted by Nisha on her blog and then for personal reasons she sought out someone to take it over. I, along with three other amazing ladies volunteered. And then…

BAM! We created a website, a resource, a safe space. A place to talk about our issues with being pregnant/ parenting and how the journey that we took to get there affects our perspective on EVERYTHING having to do with it. This site is also for those who struggle with infertility and are also foster parents, something near and dear to my heart.

This website is an attempt at creating community, at serving as a gathering place for resources, a place to try to sort through it all with people going through the same thing.

And today that website is officially launching! I hope you will support this new endeavor of mine and of the three lovely ladies I am doing this with. To them goes most of the credit as during this whole design and building phase of the site I was sidelined with one pregnancy malady after another. Make sure you click on the “contributors” link too at the top of the page to meet the other ladies and see my oh-so-witty bio that will induce my Father to shake his head, thus enabling me to live up to my own blog’s header. And so, here it is, brand spanking new:


(click on the word ‘pail’)

A huge thank you to Nisha for taking the time to answer a random email over a year ago. A huge thank you to the three other amazing women I am doing this new project with. I would be so grateful if you like the website and think it is worth sharing if you would share it via email, Facebook, twitter, etc. The web address is:


3 responses to “BAM!

  1. CJ – your mention of PPD after IF/loss was such a driving force in me coming out of hiding on the community. To stop lurking and start engaging. Is crazy to think how fat the connections I have made through PAIL have taken me, and how far there is to go. xoxo

  2. Love your work…agree the lens makes all the difference. So glad someone picked it up & ran with it!

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