Links in a chain

Well here’s the best and the worst thing about Infertility, you’re not alone.  There are thousands of other women, going through the same struggle you are trying to have a baby.

This is also the worst thing, because you would never wish this experience on anyone.  And it breaks your heart a little bit when you see someone else struggling with the same thing.

When I got married I had no idea I would face severe infertility issues.  I also didn’t know that through my marriage I would get a new “cousin-in-law” who was facing the same thing and whom I could call one of my “rocks.”

It SUCKS that Anna, my new cousin, and I would have to bond over such a terrible thing.  But I thank God for having her.  As much as I can talk about it with my friends and family, no one gets it, truly gets, unless they have gone through it themselves. 

And through Anna I met another blogger, Andrea.  Andrea and her husband have struggled with infertility and felt called to adoption.  They adopted a BEAUTIFUL little girl named Abigail 4 years ago. 

And then they all rode happily off into the sunset. 

But not quite.  Abigail was born with a genetic disorder that can cause tumors to grow anywhere there is a nerve, which is everywhere.  And here is where the cynic in me cries “NOT FAIR!” 

Not fair that a couple that struggled to have a child, and then sought out to adopt a child, waited for that child, and finally got her, now have to go through this. 

But this isn’t about fair.  If it was about fair I’d be 4 months pregnant right now.  If it was about fair my cousin Anna would be chasing after a toddler instead of mourning the loss of that child from miscarriage.  If it were fair Anna and I would be calling each other to commiserate about how our pregnancies were affecting us.  Because we got pregnant within weeks of each other this winter.  But Anna lost her second child, and I lost our first. 

If it were about fair Abigail would be healthy, enjoying being loved by parents who waited for her, prayed for her, dreamed about her for years.  And like the good parents they are they sought out the best doctor, the specialist of all specialists in the field of Abigail’s particular disorder.  And this is also the problem.  Their doctor is in Chicago and their Indiana insurance does not cover out-of-state doctors. 

Why does this matter?  Because Abigail has a tumor on her leg, and overnight it quadrupled in size.  This means it has either become malignant or is infected.  Either way it has to be removed and soon.  No insurance coverage. 

Being an infertile woman makes you a member of a club.  One you never wanted to join but that you are glad to have the support of.  We become links in a chain, holding together and lending our strength to each other.  And that connection doesn’t stop just because you have a child. 

It’s not about fair.  It’s about struggling through, doing what’s right, and helping where you can.

I’m hoping this post will increase awareness about the disorder Abigail is struggling with, will increase the number of people praying for her, and maybe you will feel called to donate to the fund her parents have set up to pay for her surgery. 

There are a million sad stories out there, I know.  But this is one I am “linked” to and I felt called to share with you.

Here is Andrea’s blog:

Abigail you are in my prayers.


4 responses to “Links in a chain

  1. Prayers for both you everyday

  2. I am also praying for young Abigail and her family. I had the priveledge of meeting Abigail and her family this past weekend as I visited their church with my sister, Anna, Chandra’s “cousin-in-law”. I didn’t get to stay long, but they are truly loving people who have an amazing faith! Chandra – thank you for sharing their story, and for being a support to my sister in a way that I cannot be.

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