I don’t hate your baby, and other things that need to be said


So I haven’t decided if I will post the full IVF story.  But I do feel there are some things I should say about the situation, and I feel I can best say it in list form. 

1.  THANK YOU for all the support and well wishes.  You are amazing and it has helped me a lot.

2.  I don’t hate your baby.  Unless you have a mean baby, and then yes, I do.  What I mean is that while I am incredibly sad that I am continually not pregnant, I am not sad if you are pregnant or have a baby.  I am sad I can’t get pregnant.  Babies are gifts and I hope people don’t feel like they need to avoid talking about their kids, or keep news of a FAMILY member being pregnant from me.  That was a bit specific now wasn’t it?  Luckily my Mom doesn’t read this often, haha.

3.  From the month of November through the end of December I pretty much was miserable.  The IVF process is exhausting in itself but with our insurance we have to travel to an IVF clinic 2 hours away.  That meant for many weeks I was driving four-hour round trips EVERY OTHER DAY.  And once I got there I was jabbed with needles and had to have INTERNAL exams.  EVERY. OTHER. DAY. PEOPLE.  I joked with the nurse doing the exams that after my tenth exam I should get like a prize or reward.  She laughed but then said, “oh you’re going to have more than ten of these.”  I apologize to any male relatives reading this, we can avoid eye contact when we next meet if it makes you feel more comfortable.

4.  Just to review, if you are not picking up on how much this sucked, it was several weeks of: drive two hours, get jabbed and then violated, drive two more hours.  REPEAT every other day.  All while trying to continue my work load, maintaining friendships, and oh yeah, raising a 5 month old foster baby.  So if you were wondering what was going on with me during that time, why I seemed out of it, and why it seemed I was letting things slide, now you know.  If you don’t understand, bite me.

5.  While learning I was no longer pregnant was horrible, I am ok.  I am extremely grateful I was able to get pregnant as it was a possibility that I would not be able to. 

6.  I am ok talking about it. You can ask me about it and I promise not to break out into hysterical sobbing.  No really, I am ok talking about it. 

7.  We will try again, we are not sure when, but we will try.  Part of our decision is financial.  We have amazing insurance that allows us 4 tries at 85% coverage.  This took our costs down to about $2,500, which was not totally easy for us to afford, but we have made some other financial sacrifices to afford it.  I am not trying to brag about our coverage or talk about how much we spent, but to illuminate the point that this is not just an ’emotional’ decision.  The sad thing is that for infertile couples having children is often as much a financial decision as it is an emotional one.  That sucks.  To know we may be limited in our choices of trying to have a child by money.

8.  Yes I have probably heard, read, or researched all possible advice.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your concern and thought to mention something you may have heard or read.  But if one more person tells me to “just relax” I will most likely get violent.  Fair warning.

9.  I feel like my list must have ’10’ points, but I am running out of things to say.

10.  I am really enjoying the fact that I can now how a small reprieve from all my restrictions and joined a gym to get back into working out.  Oh yeah, and that I can feed my coffee addiction for a few months, thank you baby Jesus for coffee.  Amen.

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3 responses to “I don’t hate your baby, and other things that need to be said

  1. I’m so sorry the IVF didn’t work out.

  2. Katie (Kist) Gariety

    Love you bunches! My family and I hope you get what you want and deserve. If you ever need to talk, get a hold of me!

  3. Pingback: The 10th circle of hell is infertility | Metholic's Blog

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