Creeper


Our household, on a somewhat regular basis, starts its day with one of the two events occurring.  We wake up to the melodic tune of what sounds like a baby pig squealing, or we wake up to find a baby completely drenched in her own pee.  Why you ask?  Because our kiddo is a ‘creeper’.

No, not in the sense of that weird guy from highschool who used to just stare at you and your friends.  But in the sense of motion.  From day one the little 6-pound wonder has been a ‘crib creeper’.  Fully asleep, on her back, she squirms her way around the crib throughout the night.  In the early months we would find her in the morning with her butt crammed into the corner of the crib, legs scrunched up the sides of the crib.  Then she stared butting her head into the slats.  Wonderful.

Now to truly understand how this stunned us you have to know that when we first brought her home she was always swaddled for sleep.  So 6-pound mighty baby, completely wrapped in a blanket, would scooch around her crib at night, on her back, arms pinned to her sides.  Sometimes when she was really fussy we would swaddle her with just her diaper, then put her in a “sleep sack” to further confine her as it helped calm her down.  She STILL manged to creep her way around the crib. 

Even now we always put her in a sleep sack so she doesn’t get cold at night.  Makes no difference to her.  We lay her down at one end of the crib and in the morning we find her at the other end.  Completely turned around.  She’s doing 360’s in her sleep. 

Then, apparently bored with the creeping, she added a new feature.  Now she creeps to the side of the crib, jams her arm through the slats up to her shoulder, twist her body so she is now stuck, and then screams for us to come get her.  Hence, the baby pig noises we wake up to.  Why not use a crib bumper?  Glad you asked!

We did.  And she turned it into an instrument of death.  We put the crib bumper on the crib thinking it would prevent her from getting her limbs stuck.  Well aren’t we just MORONS.  Crib bumpers can’t stop ‘baby-tyrant’!  Baby-tyrant laughs at crib bumpers, and then shows you how she will suffocate herself if you do not immediately remove the offensive bumper. 

So we think we have out-smarted the little kid.  A few nights pass, no limbs getting stuck.  Then we wake up to muffled sounds of squawking.  The baby has creeped over to the crib bumper and got her arm under the bumper and through the crib slats.  But that wasn’t good enough.  She then decided she wanted to suck her thumb, not the thumb on the hand that is still inside the crib, no that is too easy.  So her arm is under the bumper, her face against the side of the bumper, and she tries to bend that arm up and bring her thumb to her mouth.  Which, if you have good visualization you already can see this:  Baby suffocating herself because that hand is now behind the bumper, meaning she is pushing the bumper into her face, covering her nose and mouth. 

Sigh.  No more bumper.  Which is why waking up to the sounds of her squealing like a pig due to trapped limbs is still a common occurrence.  And then there is the pee part of this.

All this creeping, causes her diaper to loosen.  So we go to pick her up in the morning and she is soaked head to toe in pee and there is a trail of pee all around the crib.  This actually doesn’t bother her, she is all ‘giggles and grins’ about it.  I think she doesn’t mind because she knows what happens when we find her so drenched.  She gets hosed off.  Instead of dragging out the baby bathtub every time this happens I have just gotten in the habit of stripping her down and rinsing her under the tap.  She LOVES it. Of course.

I am so glad she is not crawling yet.  I don’t think I could handle it.  Creeping is bad enough.

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2 responses to “Creeper

  1. Ahh the joys of having a baby. If they ever have creeping in the Olympics she’ll do great.

  2. Pingback: I love your child… « Methodist in-Formation

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